Singleness

I served this morning for the first time at CCC

Church @ The Project

Singleness.

Questions and acting.

Not a normal sermon.

If you're not married by 30 there is something wrong with you -The Church

Start taking risks or you'll always be single.

You're too picky.

You'll never know until you try

Shave my head, get a robe, find a bell. Incense.

If God intended me to be single... why would he give me that need and then not give me a spouse.

Ronald Rollheiser: sexuality compared to the white and the yolk of an egg. At some dark level we know we've been separated from our other half.

Heartache, we need to be connected. Longing to be love.

We need to be careful of the contemporary popular view that having sex and having a spouse makes us feel whole and complete.

TBH sometimes it won't get easier, it may get more difficult and it may not go away.

Because you are making it an idol in your life?

More a priority than God?

Showing him that this need to feel loved and accepted won't be satisfied in marriege, or having sex. You can do that and still feel alone and isolated.

Where is that need stemming from?

A deeper reason?

What's really going on in your heart?

Romans 8:28 "God works for the good of those who love him..."

He will not give us a life to intentionally screw us over (job?)

Why do my "couple friends" once they're in relationships, stop hanging out with me? Don't they know that I still need them in my life even though I'm single?

They are on cloud nine, only significant others allowed

Be patient with them

It sucks. You're just being alone and.

With some people, they're in this process that you cannot understand as a single person.

Things for couples:

One quick touch point

-Facebook meetings, texts, fail videos, 

When we're single and a close friend is dating, how do we curb the jealousy? (They have a partner, they have another close friend who they spend a lot of time)

1. Fake it til you make it

2. Are you territorial?

Do you really struggle sharing your friends with people?

Is it insecurity? Fear of abandonment? 

They may not understand your things.

It may not appear how you think it appears.

Maybe you're quick to judge, snappy.

You should talk about it

3. Don't imagine worst case scenario.

Is this goona work out? 

Take a chill pill, relax.

Read Ephesians.

4. Remember where jealousy starts

It can lead us down dark paths.

Phil2:3-5 " Be Humble! thinking of others as Better than your selves,"

Constantly look at other people

James 3:16 "wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will guided disorder and evil of every kind."

Proverbs 14:30 "jealousy is cancer in the bones."

For people who are single, are their standards too high?

Depends what you set as a standard.

It's ok to set high standards in your faith.

Do they love Jesus? Are they trying to be like Christ? Do they live the church? Do they bash the church?

Ok 👌

Eg. Kids? I like going to church but... meh

I think we should give some money to help out the church? !!

Sooner or later, if you are unequally yoked?

Physical attraction? That comes later.

What about ____? Uhh, idk what to say.

What is my sex life goona be like?

I felt so shallow.

Signs too high standards

A very specific list

Bad idea, setting yourself up to look for someone who doesn't really exist.

A very physically specific list, calf muscles? Chiseled. Ears? Perfectly round.

Massive red flag, not banner.

Appearances change over time. Beauty is fleeting.

Beauty does not influence a great marriage. Sex life changes over time.

Let's move on.

You easily give up on someone because of one small thing

Not the same as deal breakers.

The car they drive? Brand of shoes? The way they laugh? They don't text back right away.

You always say 'no' when someone asks you out

Story: hesitant to date someone from The Project. Wife asks him out.

If you take a risk be smart about it, don't over complicate stuff.

Go on a few dates, be wise about it.

Second date doesn't mean marriage. That's not real. Don't blow it all out of proportion.

Start off as friends, see if it grows into something more.

Physical attributes are the only thing on your radar.

It's important, so is character.

Later on everything changed. Arguments in the future? Finances?

If you're not sure?

Talk to your friends

But be careful what they say.

We can develop blindspots, 

Proverbs 27:9 "the heartfelt council of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense"

How to meet girls at church?

What's your name? Umm I don't want a boyfriend. I got the vibe that they thought I was interested in them.

The vibe of the project is ok.

If you want to meet someone don't be overbearing. Just be a gentleman, you can't judge them.

Hey what did you think about that message? How long have you been coming here?

Get involved in the church?

Got a lanyard? Not creepy anymore!

Don't write a guy off too quickly, carry on a conversation for 10 minutes. After that just run, it's ok.

Not scriptural based answer.

She asked me out and now we're married, this is awesome! It did something for me, she's bold and took initiative.

Some guys like the more traditional approach.

It's not the end of the world.

Try to know her as a friend? If 

Take the pressure off of it, relax and get to know one another. If you've done something just go for the whole deal.

Choose to honour one another's hearts.

For the single and stuck waiting, is it wrong to use masturbation as an outlet?

Let's think.

Yeah, single people.

This is something I struggled with, im not Jesus Christ. (Perfect)

One thing he noticed, Christians have very different views on masturbation. Profs have a book on sex men and God, 

Blown away by the authors perspective on it.

In some cases it's fine. Chop off my hand?

If you don't lust, it's fine. Um what?

Navigating. 

Greeks had idea, were charged into life with the fire that we cannot tame.

Even though I'm your mind you think you're feeding the issue the more you're craving it.

Stairs. Stuck masturbating. Used to it and it doesn't fulfill you.

If you keep going down levels you cannot tame it.

Masturbation doesn't tame it, it makes things worse.

Feels like you beat yourself up.

Bible says nothing.

Lusting, issues are different. Something is going on in your heart and you need to fix that.

If God has a plan for me then why is it taking so long and at what point do I step in and take control?

Need wisdom if you take matters into your own hands.

You aren't asking God what to do?

See Gods leading in this stuff but take it slow.

Don't jump into things too quickly.

After a few months you aren't interested in it. There is stil heartbreak because you both got invested into your relationship.

Took a risk, but it still involved being her friend first.

How does she handle arguing with her family?

I see characteristics that I love and I'm falling for her.

How do I move away from temptation, how do I know I'm feeling loved? 

If they only want me for my body, you need to watch your heart.

You have so much more value than that. 

Things don't always pan out the way we want

Be careful what you consume in media.

Victoria's Secret?

If there's something that helps, it is scripture.

The devil wants you to stray to temptation.

Be intentional, God does provide a way out. But try to act on it.

How to I effectively encourage a single friend who is trying to change that?

It should be celebrated, you can do things that you cannot do while single.

What is the one thing you cannot do while married? Do it!

Once marriage happens your priorities will change, what you do with your time changes.

Singleness frees you from that for the time being. Don't say Jesus was single.

Do the one thing you love to do.

Ecclesiastes: a season for everything.

Seasons change.

That's all for now.